i've been this way ten years to the day

some things never change.

do you ever feel weakened by an outside source over which you have what seems to be complete zilch control?

technically, yes you are still your own keeper. you dress how you wish, eat what you like... react as most moments suit you... yet there's something that drives you to carry yourself in such a way that you wouldn't without this outside force.

the absence of this remarkable source brings on a false sense of security. you have a jolt of boundless power with which you will regain your control over your mind, body and soul.
you will confront your tormenting mental and emotional tyrant!
victory shall be yours!
no longer will you be shackled to this boulder of hypnotic drug!
then just as you puff up your chest and stand toe to toe to that which ensnares you, your knees give out and you find yourself right back to where you started: under the thumb of another. a firm hold that often times strangles without putting forth more energy than letting out a breath of air.
gasp.
choke.
cough.
repeat-
you're being smothered in a way-
by the only thing that keeps you breathing easily.

--kim-is-between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place